If this past week has taught us anything (or perhaps any three things) it's that John Kerry fought in Vietnam, John Edwards is the son of a mill worker and "Big Brother" is just a better place to be when we have Julie Chen's pleasant demeanor to offset the unmitigated sleaze contributed by the Four Horseplops of the Apocalypse. Fortunately, Thursday night (July 29) sees the return of Ms. Chen and, as Sen. Edwards explained, that means that hope is on the way.

Holly and Adria (or maybe Natalie) are on the eviction block as the episode begins and Julie, in a sea foam top revealing both shiny shoulders, arrives.

With the Benedictine Monks chanting in the background, we discover that God is in Adria's camp and that He's on the verge of smiting all the lying hordes who wish to strike her down. Marvin sagely asks if anybody thinks God watches "Big Brother." Jase notes that God doesn't really want them in the house at all, implying that if "Big Brother" were a Brad Pitt movie, they would all be "The Devil's Own."

Adria explains to Marvin that she's in the game to protect the righteousness in the house. Apparently Holly is a direct representative of the Devil, which is what Drew, also a Bible reader, has been implying all along.

Adria calls Scott and Jase together for a meeting, but before she can express her faith that Lucifer holds sway over the "Big Brother" house, Scott kicks her out of the room and lays down a theory about the importance of possibly voting Holly out. Using Gummy Rings and Cheez-its, Scott charts game strategy for Drew, who stares on blank-eyed, looking ready to eat Diane, who appears to be strawberry flavored.

In the Diary Room, the men express their fear of Adria and their, ahem, admiration for Holly. Scott calls her one of the most unique women he's ever met, while Jase says she's a cutie pie. The red-skinned Brad Pitt admirer wants to make this house into his own "Cool World" and he thinks he's found his live action Holli Would.

As Holly wraps Jase around her finger, the other three Horseplops sit in the Head of Household room eating and watching the pseudo-romance develop on the hidden cameras. Is Jase looking for love? Could this be his "True Romance?"

"I can smell from a mile away when I see a bad thing," a disapproving, and sensory-confused, Scott declares. He seems to have issues with Hollywood girls, but Jase doesn't know what could possibly be wrong with anything from "Kalifornia."

"You guys are my boys and I'm down with my boys," Jase assures Scott, providing fodder for those who suspect that the love match between Scott and Jase is the only one prepared to stand the test of time.

Seriously, has anybody told some of these guys that sunscreen is a really good idea? Diane is three shades darker than when she began, Will is uncomfortably bronzed and Jase seems like, if he ever stops peeling, he's going to become "The Mexican." For now he's merely "The Lobster," which is probably a project Mr. Pitt had the sense to turn down.

In the HoH room, Drew sits down with Julie, who does her best not to make the sensitive boy start bawling about his difficult responsibilities.

As a man, I'm embarrassed by the antics of Scott and Jase, but think of how their mothers must feel. It turns out that Jase has always been obsessed with his hair and, well, himself. Even Jase's mom knows that Holly, his little "cuddle monster," isn't going to last. Scott's mom agrees that the guy she sees on TV isn't the Scott she knows. She's particularly baffled by Scott's NFL lie. Although Jase's mom says that watching her son makes her cringe, Mama Long rationalizes that the money would make the personal disgrace seem worth it. Then again, Mama Long has probably seen her boy's Playgirl spread, so she has a high threshold for shame.

The time has come for Holly and Adria to make their final pleas.

"I love you guys so much," giggles Holly, an empty present with a pink ribbon tied around her neck.

Adria just says that this has been a challenge for her. She forgets to mention that as much as she wants to stick around, Jesus wants her to stay around even more. Holly upstages her foe by nearly tumbling out of her shirt. 'Tis truly Satan's work.

The results are in. Even before Julie opens the envelope, Holly begins making wincing and pained faces. She may have seen the writing on the wall (even if she can't read it). By a vote of 7-1, Holly's out of the house and Adria and Natalie remain in play.

Jase looks like a broken man. He stops short of saying, "Dudes, I feel just as tired as Brad Pitt's Heinrich Harrer after he spent 'Seven Years in Tibet.'"

Holly declares that she was the victim of female jealousy, damning her "faux-friends" like Diane. She also blames the people who suspected that she brought more to the game than she showed. Holly wants to make it clear that she goes no deeper than what you see on the surface. After a giggle capable of tearing flesh, she seems optimistic that she and Jase could still find love after the game.

Most of the housemates are very gracious about Holly's departure except for Diane, who offers the phrases "Thank God" and "good riddance."

"If you're seeing this Holly, you've now discovered what the twist is," Adria and Natalie say in a taped message. Um, twins, I wouldn't count on that. Her eyes are wide open, but the "Vacancy" and "Help Wanted" signs are clearly displayed.

"They're identical," is all Holly can fathom. She gets her wits together long enough to point out that walking around the house speaking the Gospel while participating in a big lie is probably a faulty reading of the Good Book.

The housemates arrive in the backyard for the next HoH competition, greeted by life-sized cutouts of themselves. Each cutout has a button in its mouth and they have to stand and press the button and they can't let go. It's pretty boring at first, but eventually the show's producers are bound to drop fake snow on them or something.

The show ends before viewers can discover if Jase and Scott have taken the next step toward becoming "Legends of the Fall" or if somebody outside of the Horseplops wins, making life for them as unpleasant as sitting through "Meet Joe Black."